I have prayed for my marriage and soon-to-be ex husband for many years and while we were never really “equally yoked”, I still stayed and I never stopped praying for him or for us. I recently found out he was having an affair and he is now divorcing me for the other woman. I didn’t want any of this and I know God hates divorce, but I’m having to let go. I don’t understand why God would allow this to happen and how it is not in His will that this work out. I’m hurting and angry and I am being thrown away like a piece of garbage that never mattered. I know the Father sees things we cannot and protects us from what we cannot see, and His plans are bigger than ours. However, I would think He would change hearts and punish those involved in breaking up our family and that He would want just the opposite of this. I also know we have free will. I guess I just expected more of a miracle/”War Room” movie type turnaround in this. I just need some advice and insight on why this is happening to me and my children when I did everything I knew to do and went about it God’s way and never stopped praying and doing my part as a wife and it still wasn’t enough. I begged God to save my marriage and for him to love me again. I begged him not to leave me. I begged God to remove the other woman. I begged for justice and cried out to Him. I prayed dangerous prayers and truly believed and had faith and stayed in the Word and before YHWH. I don’t know where I went wrong or fell short or what I did to deserve this outcome. I truly don’t.


Shalom Sister,

I am so sorry that you and your family are going through this.  Divorce is never the desired outcome; however, we can’t have free will and also ask the Father to take away someone else’s free will.  Just because divorce is not the Father’s will, doesn’t mean that He is going to change someone’s heart that may not want their heart changed.

YHWH never forces Himself and His ways on someone.  It is always a choice.

It is important to remember that relationships are hard and messy and just because we seek the Father and stay in His word doesn’t mean that He will erase all of the hurt and baggage that has occurred in the marriage.  We all still have to do our part by loving them as we love ourselves and forgiving.  In addition we have to live with the consequences of our decisions and actions and sometimes we have to live with the consequences of someone else’s decisions and actions.

Something to consider is 1 Corinthians 7:13-15

13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. 

So where did you go wrong?

The truth is, I can’t answer that.  You could have done everything right and still not be able to change the outcome of the situation.  The Father is never going to make someone do something that they don’t want to do.  

My best advice for you is to forgive.  Now I know that this is not an easy task but when things seem too hard to do, I turn to this verse:

I can do all things through him who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

Forgive your soon to be ex-husband.

Forgive the woman.

Forgive yourself.

Forgive the Father (By this I mean, don’t hold this against Him or blame Him for this).

If you don’t forgive, that pain and anger will seep down deep and will contaminate every single thing in your life.

Here are some verses to consider:

But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions. Matthew 6:15

Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32

And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. Mark 11:25

Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.  Colossians 3:13

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Ephesians 4:31

Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.  Matthew 5:7

And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. Matthew 6:12

I pray that you are able to forgive and move forward in shalom.



About the Seeking Scripture Team: We are a group of believers from all walks of the faith, saved by grace alone through faith in our Messiah. While we are of one accord in many things, we are all works in progress and lifelong learners. Therefore the opinions of one may not always represent the opinions of all.

Aliisa DeSalvo